Welcome welcome, one and all, to the circus that is my thoughts.

Enjoy your stay

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Beyond her years

In my life thus far I've come to realize that at least 60% of the human life around me has been spoiled. I don't know why and I don't know who to blame, but I'm ashamed. Today seemed to really test that theory. Not to sound conceited, but I was a very good child, and I like to think of myself as honestly a good person as well, I'm proud of my parents for how they raised my sister and I. I was raised to be the child that helped elderly people when they dropped something, and hold the door open for strangers, but as I got older I realized that these morals I was taught, no one else seemed to know. In Elementary school I watched, unsure how to react while the other kids called the other bad names and made fun of our teachers, by the time I reached middle school I defended them without a though, because this is how I learned to live, and I don't mind it a bit.

I'm not cocky, I think I'm a pretty normal person, but there's so many people that just aren't kind anymore. A boy I went to school with my freshman year despised everything to do with Christmas because of the way people acted, we once had to write a letter to Santa to Macys, and every letter they received they'd donate a dollar to a charity, it was silly, but for a good cause, and we all went along with it, telling Santa what we wanted for the holidays and why we were on his Nice list, but the boy that hated Christmas said he wanted a gun and would shank Santa if he didn't get it, it was 'just a joke' but obviously, this made him no better than the people he said he hated.

Events like this, they happen around here so much more often
then not. I've never traveled, Is this different in the rest of the world? Are people only full of hate around the North West? Are things better everywhere else? I can only hope. In the darkest of snowy nights becoming more of a scrooge every day, I heard a story that made me almost tear up. My mother has a friend she worked with. Her friend, Maria, has an abusive, drunk husband and six children, at two, four, five-year-old twin girls, eight, and fifteen. I went to school with her fifteen year old son for a while, he's a bully that thinks hes a gangster and acts like he does drugs because it's 'cool'. Maria is sweet as can be, however, and both my mother and I have often wondered how she got stuck in a life like this, with no one in her family who helps support her or seems to love her, her children are being raised like her husband, today though, Maria called my mom with her first good news. After a huge fight with her husband while her younger children were home, her husband verbally abusing her, she gave up, crying and stumbled out of the room to her bedroom. Her five-year-old daughter had left her a note under her pillow. "Don't listen to Daddy, he's mean, you're great."

The world needs more people like her, sweet, innocent, and wise far beyond her years. I want to be like her when I grow up.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

The Stereotypical 'Religion' Opinion

Good Afternoon internet dwellers. Today, I bring you a question. Why are Christians so mean?
Now, I know for those of you religious people that probably stirred up a bit of anger, but realistically.Let me explain my side of the story.

Now let me tell you something about myself, readers. Admittedly, I honestly care a lot bout what people think of me. Not everyone, and not on certain topics. For example, someone could say I'm ugly and it wouldn't phase me. They could tell me I look bad in brown or I have bland eyes, and it still wouldn't. On the other hand, the people I care about, my family, my friends, the people I look up to, if one of them were to say something like that, I'd ponder it for a while, and probably take their opinion into strong consideration. I'm not religious. In fact, I'm probably the farthest thing from it, or at least from Christianity. The real reason is because, realistically, it just makes me laugh. I believe in evolution, because, to me, no offense to religion, it just makes sense. Hate me if you will, but I just don't really believe in God. (Yeah, watch me get struck down now. ;)) I don't mean to insult you, but I just want you to know that. Also, my morals are aparently far from a 'normal person's'. I don't think that, if a girl wears a tank top, it makes her slutty. If she wears heels, it's always trashy. If she wears eyeliner, shes emo, or crying out for attention. These are topics that personally offend me, because I DO think heels and skinny jeans is stylish, or eyeliner DOES bring out your eye color when worn right. I think wild colored hair is daring, and dare I say cool? I'm sensitive to this because I get called a whore on the daily basis, literally, because I wear spaghetti straps, V-necks, high heels, converse, eyeliner, and things that, like it or not, they make me feel attractive, and confident.

Don't get me wrong world. When a girl wears her shirt so low you see nipples and lace from her bra, or mini skirts and high heels, yeah, it can be slutty. But when done tactfully, it's so much more attractive than people tend to say.

Ladies and gentlemen, take my words STRONGLY; there is a DIFFERENCE between these girls.
http://i42.tinypic.com/2a9zatj.jpg and http://www.bleudame.com/images/7001_cl_lg.jpg

Spaghetti straps don't make someone a slut. Neither do tasteful skirts, modest high heels, etc. Please don't judge someone based on shoulder skin, or, god forbid, seeing a girl's knees.

I titled this The Steryotypical 'Religion' Opinion because to be honest, 90% of Christian adults I know would say the girl on the right is 'improper'.

Last night, I went to a friends house for dinner, and to help him decorate his Christmas tree. He himself is not- but his family is very strictly Christian. I wore Dark Skinny Jeans, Converses, My hair pulled into a bun, and a very tasteful white spaghetti strap shirt, layered over a black one. You could not see my bra. You could NOT see my butt-crack when I bent over. I didn't wear heavy makeup, and all in all, I think it was a very attractive outfit. When he saw it he smiled and said I looked very nice. He's one whom I hold his opinion very dear to me, so I was flattered, grabbed a nice jacket and we drove to his house. Sure enough though, as soon as I went to the next room to make a phone call I hear his mother comment on how Improper and unattractive my outfit is. She lectured her son about how uncomfortable it made their family, but when I got back to the room, sure enough, they smile and welcome me back.

I'm tired of people like this. Call it cruel, call me mean and pregitous against religion- I don't care. It was rude, mean, and "God help me", it hurt. I know not al religious people are like this, but almost every single one I know is.

If I wear a shirt that shows my neck, I'm a slut.
If I don't go to church, I'm a bad person.
and If I don't believe in GOD, I'm going to hell.

The unwritten rules of the bible.

As I said, I know not all Christians are like this- I have some dear friends across the country that prove this stereotype wrong, but as for the people in this town, this state, this region? I'm Obviously going to hell.

To all you religious people out there, if any of this sounds like your beliefs, please, please take this into consideration. Harsh, close minded views like this hurt, always. It doesn't matter if you're religious or not, if you think girls are sluts because you can see a small amount of flesh, go to hell. You are the reason girls are fragile and insecure.

For those of you that are religious and agree with the people here, you can go to hell too. I'm sorry, I'm not usually this harsh, but I'm so tired of facing these people in my life. Tell me this:

If Jesus loves everyone equally, why will he punish me so for not believing in him?

I apologize greatly for my religious views, because I know they step on a lot of toes. If you agree with me though, I thank you. I Apologize for stereotyping people of your religion, but if you take so much offense to this, do something about it. Either comment this, and tell me why god thinks tank tops are evil, or don't be so harsh.

I'm sorry for expressing my views, because I know that they're harsh too... but this is my blog after all, you don't have to read it. ;)

Friday, December 11, 2009

An Introduction

Good evening people of the internet. The whole style of 'blogging' as a whole seemed to come and go constantly, and people 'blogging' just to ramble seems to have faded out of style with the outburst of Myspace and Facebook. Yet sure enough here I am. Writing to ramble, and doing just that.

I don't have many interesting things to say. I'm young, younger than most people care to guess. Supposedly, I look older, and act older- but I don't see it, in my eyes I'm just that: still just a kid. When I grow up? I want to be a cartoonist. Maybe that's a small dream, but I always decided that I wanted to be like my mother. We didn't have much money in the house when I was just a tot, but my mother loved her job, so she was always happy, even when struggling with the bills. I want to be like her one day. Even if I don't have the most money in the world, if I can do what I love, I'll find a way to be happy, regardless of my economic standpoint. In case that didn't give it away, I love to draw. I don't play sports, I never wanted to be a model, or a singer, I wanted to be like Matt Groening and whoever the hell illustrated the good Archie Comics.

My life, I might as well tell you now. Thats the whole reason I got a blog, I suppose. As an online journal to ramble and say whatever I damn well please, and no one being able to give me a hard time about it, because no one knows just who I am. Not that it really matters. I live Northwest, in the U.S.. No one around here is really 'internet savvy'. So, me? I'm a nerd. I go to the conventions, and I'm in the art classes, the Drama club. Because I love it. and High School type stereotypes couldn't bother me less. My goal in life is to have fun, but in my short years thus far, I've realized that I have a lot to say, a lot of good ideas, but no one here cares to listen. Everyone around me is still watching twilight and shopping at abercrombie. That's what the people here are like. If I had to label people, just for you to understand? In my area, we have three people:
1. 'Preppy kids' that shop at Abercrombie, that are on the cheerleading squad, that play the sports, and as stereotypical as it is? 90% of them are just as bad as the bullies on all the Disney shows.
2. Scene Kids. Not those amazing ones that look like walking photoshop masterpieces, no, I really do give them credit. Here we have the knock offs. the ones who 'hate' the preppy kids, because they've all seen those shows, and know that everyone is supposed to hate them.
3. Then there's the hicks. We get a lot of those here. My neighbors invite everyone in their family over every other month so they can all gather in the front yard for a BBQ / Hair cut party.

No one clique seems to be better than the rest, but I try not to judge people by how they look, but if I did, see above paragraph. (I must be making a terrible first impression, dear internet, but that's alright.) My point is, theres a subculture hidden among all this. two actually, but one is the wannabe gangsters with low pants and weed hats. (Give me a mob boss any day). The other is the convention nerds. Call me crazy, but they definitely seem to be the best- the ones with hearts. I went to my first convention when I was 11, because I read comic books and watched Naruto. Yep, if you happen to be one of 'us' you know me- I was a narutard. a weeaboo. I walked in to the venue where it was taking place, I looked around, and I laughed. Not at the cosplayers, not at the old people there, not at the DBZ quotes. I laughed 'at' nothing, no one. Cheesy as it sounds, I laughed because I was so happy, already.

I learned something that day, that weekend. There are people out there like who I want to be. Like my mother. The people who granted, don't have amazing lives. Half of them flat out suck. But they were all happy anyway. It didn't matter what those convention people were like outside of the con. Age, Gender, Clique, economics, etc. nothing mattered. At a con, everyone was there for an escape. A once a year chance to be happy and forget everything except who 'Anonymous' is.

Since that weekend I've gone back to every con I could. It took me a little while, but I found my place there. I found my friends, and the people I think I was meant to find in my life, the ones who make me really happy- even when I'm just standing at the sidelines watching, I could never be happier.

That, internet dwellers alike, is the basis of how I live my life. I'm always looking forward to the next con, but for now I guess that's all I can do to keep myself sane here. I have a good life, and I'm more than happy still being just a kid.